she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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