You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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