Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
