I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
