I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
