Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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