omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
