His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
