he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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