please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
