The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
