Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
