I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
