3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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