Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
