You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
