somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
