I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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