why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
