Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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