How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
