apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
