Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
