Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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