I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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