i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
