Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
