You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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