every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
