I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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