If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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