Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
