I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
