I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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