I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
