Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
