bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Congratulations! We have a period
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
