I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
