shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
