It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
