I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
And then he peed in my hair
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