and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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