your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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