Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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