oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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