everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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