You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
