I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
