I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
