I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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