Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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