the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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