2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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