I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
