so explain again why im purple
no
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I am one with the molecules
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
