Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
